Thursday, October 29, 2015

Dharma Daughter

The radiant light seems to be poisonous. Cancer in the ones around you can cause bad-tempered conceptions. Fondly I think of having the Dharma work from the inside out. 

When DylanGrace woke up the other day she was obsessed with putting on her friendship necklace. She was fumbling and trying and finally walked in front of the mirror to see why she could not get it on. She asked me to help and I just got frustrated as we needed to go and the breakfast was not touched yet. I thought how hungry she would be if she would not eat it now. I told her to come and we needed to go. The backpack was packed, the homework was done, the breakfast was not eaten, the car had no flat tire and we needed to leave as she was still trying to get the necklace around her neck. I encouraged her to eat her yogurt with raspberries. What a luxury and how spoiled we all are and do we realize most people live in a food desert even in California around the Pacific-Crest -Trail ! 

We stopped by the kitchen table where one of our guests, a Pacific-Trail-Through-Hiker had laid out his map for DylanGrace to see that he, in fact, had walked 2648 miles from the Southern Terminus at Campo to the Northern Terminus at the US Canadian border  near Manning Park, Canada over the last six months since April 27 and he just arrived back on Oct 20th. I asked him about his biggest challenges. 

Dylan still needed to fasten her necklace around her neck. I said it would not work as the clasp was broken and she denied it and the guest told us about the preciousness of water and the Trail Angels. I wanted to find out about the Trail Angels...I wanted to BECOME a Trail Angel, now in this moment. I did not want to have my daughter tell me one more time about a necklace she needed to close and could not get closed because yesterday she cut something off it. I told her that it broke and she denied that and said she cut something off it before and it still closed but now it did not close and I wanted to talk more about the Pacific Crest Trail.  Does my daughter ever realize how fortunate she is to have the opportunity to talk to a Pacific-Crest-Trail-Through-Hiker for breakfast? She did not even take the opportunity. He started his hike at the Mexican border and stuck his hand through the fence where there were two holes and he photographed it.

We finally sat in the car and Dylan wanted me to call her school, to let them know that we would be late because of the necklace that would not close. We were leaving at 7:33 AM and we had never left that late before. The necklace was still not around her neck and I had visions of tearing it from her and throwing the whole darn thing out the window.  I said just because it worked yesterday it still might not work today and if she liked I could bring it to a jeweler and have it fixed. But, no, she needed it on her neck NOW, not later. NOW!  I stayed calm thinking of turning the situation into a Dharma moment and manifesting the Dharma into my Daughter and I suggested that if one tries one version and it does not work one has to try to find another solution and try it from a different angle. The same way of trying will only give you the same outcome so I suggested she carry the necklace in her pocket. That idea did not work, so suggested why not try to make a knot, but no, no knot was desired.  Why could she not wrap some clear tape around the two ends of the necklace? That idea resonated with her and she said: "Can you help me?" We arrived at school, the breakfast not eaten,  but miraculously there was clear tape on my dashboard. WHY I will never know!  I wrapped one piece around one end of the necklace at 8:03 AM and I wrapped another piece around the other end and she hid the tape behind her nape under her long, blond, very cared-for hair.   I pleaded for her to take two bites of her breakfast and she did and she left and closed the door and hiked up the hill to her German Class as I hung my head into the steering wheel and cried, radiant light all around me.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Cancer is Nature's Way

It was already 9:48 PM last night and the lentils were trying to get soft.  I still had to sauté the veggies, onions, garlic, carrots and celery and add in the spices of basil and oregano.  The last load of laundry needed to be hung out on the line and a stack of dry clothes needed to be folded. The kitchen floor was getting soggy and I was having a secret love affair with my brand-new VITAMIX blender as I was trying desperately to recall recipes in my head tasty enough to be liked by a cowboy. Muscle building is on his menu today. He rides the bike and lifts weights, but dismissed my idea of my boot-camp trainer.

It was getting late and I was running out of steam and the dishes were piling high. The VITAMIX was so loud!  Yesterday garlic was okay to mix with avocado, spinach, kale (not too much kale just one or two leaves) and beets and fresh carrot juice (made with a juicer on the side), FlaxSeed oil to bind the beta-carotene and celery and cucumber all mixed with HempMilk. Did I already have the Plant Protein in it ? When Michael came by I gave him a glass of my concoction only to have him cough and scream that it was too harsh for his throat. I quickly gave him water and tried anew, left out the garlic... strange, yesterday the garlic was still smooth enough. Now I mixed in beets and did I remember the spirulina ? I usually can tell by the color but the beets took total advantage of their powerful color spectrum. Okay, more spirulina couldn't hurt yet if a dash too much, Michael would not like it and dismiss it. 

Quickly to bed, with seven hours of sleep not enough, but I got to squeeze by. Darn, if I just would't have cut the top of my left index finger, things would be easier.  Almost tore my ankle apart outside while hanging laundry and my toe almost was smashed with a 200 pound weight but it did not happen. Oh, is there still light in my daughters room at 10:33 PM! Yes, when I came in to ask she was writing the first amendment into her journal.  Why at 10:33 PM ??? I will never know. Her Dad usually makes sure that her SMART-phone is gone from 8:30 - 9:30 PM, then she can have it for the last hour, but needs to bring it to his night stand before 10:30 PM. He was deep asleep probably right around 9:50 PM. Good for him! 

I inherited yet another job. This morning 6:10 AM I was preparing two plain Strauss fat Yogurts, with  a few drops of maple syrup and cut up goji berries, chia seeds, fresh organic strawberries and pears (pears delicious and juicy), Brazil nuts and almonds all washed down with a hearty spinach omelet with a bit of cheese. My daughter was happy. She ate it all, in bed. Now quickly to make her lunch for school and bring the breakfast tray to her Dad and remind him to also eat ten organic blueberries. Fruit in the morning and veggies in the afternoon. I think cancer is NATURES way to WHIP you into shape. I did not know that alcohol is linked to throat cancer. Now a bit of Eric Satie Gnossienne 1-Alessio Nanni on the piano, I mimic him so. I want his hands to touch my piano.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Michael's Path to Health

Three weeks ago the father of my teenager was diagnosed with Stage II throat cancer and has started radiation treatment October 8- ending November 25th. This man had been destined to die as soon as we met back in 1987 when we fell in love head over heals. With the diagnosis came the realization that in his own words: " I have lived thirty-three years longer than I deserved". Now despite it all I am moving quickly through the five Kübler Ross stages of grief ( I used it even though I know it is only for the ones who have actually died). I skipped the first one "denial", and went immediately to "anger" since Michael was another classic Kaiser misdiagnosis, (they sent him home for two years with Tums for acid-reflex),  then omitted bargaining and depression and arrived in no time at acceptance. They delayed starting radiation treatments because he was too trim and too fit and we needed to fatten him up since he might not be able to eat nor swallow once his throat was irritated by the treatments.  Also, we decided to repaint,  redecorate, and feng-shui his room and tossed everything he did not need or want out. We just finished yesterday by hanging art works and his room is now more "manly" and simply gorgeous. His life style choices finally caught up with him and when he mentioned how hard it is not to smoke I had visions of smothering him with a pillow while he sleeps to just get it over with. This man is an incurable BAD-ASS. The tumor is the size of a peanut sitting precariously at the edge of his tongue way back and very close to his vocal cords. A Dictaphone was purchased in the hope that he would speak his life story.